thought overload

Posts tagged ‘guilt’

Put on your Mother Shield

Shield

Today was one of those days.  If ever I needed my mother shield it was today.

What, I hear you ask, is a mother shield?  My Mother Shield is that little invisible force field that fends off

all the awful things that my children say from time to time when they don’t have the words to vocalise how they feel or what is upsetting them and it just comes out like a diatribe.

Here are some of the things my mother shield has had to deflect today and the proper translations:

  • Mum, I hate you…… Mum, I am so angry with you
  • You’re so mean…….I am angry that you won’t let me play with my remote control car outside in the street when it’s dark
  • I’m not ever going to cuddle you again, EVER………I am upset now and need to calm down
  • You are the worst mother ever……….Why can’t I stay up late when I am rubbing my eyes, whining and can barely stand up?
  • I’m finding another Mummy………Please see previous attack
  • You never play with me anymore, you should leave………I would really like  you to play with me like we did yesterday. Right now.
  • Why don’t you just find another little boy to be mean to……….Again, the remote control car issue ( see previous)
  • You don’t understand me, go away……..I’m really upset that you’re not taking my side and you should really be speaking to The Princess now about what SHE did
  • You never listen to me, EVER……..(See previous)
  • I don’t want you, I want Daddy…………Maybe if I ask Dad, HE will let me

Sometimes these little attacks do chip away at my Mother Shield and I have to hide my face away for a little tear. Some days I hide to giggle. It all depends on how stressed I am or what is happening at the time.

You see, I must have my Mother Shield on….because I shed all the Mother Guilt and I need something to absorb all those angry words floating around out there.

 

 

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Mother Guilt

Mother Guilt. Come on, you all know it. That little voice inside our head. That running commentary. That ability to go from super-mum to beating yourself up in five seconds flat.It might sound a little something like this:

Have I spent enough time with the children today? Should I feel guilty for taking that half-an-hour bath listening to screaming and arguing outside the closed door? Am I a horrible mother because my kids didn’t brush their teeth/have a bath/eat vegetables today? I’m a working mother and I can’t attend all the school functions/help out with tuckshop/take a place on the P & C. I don’t make play-dough for my children, they’re ruined for life. There are no clean clothes in my children’s drawers. The house isn’t super clean because I watched a movie and ate chocolate. I was late for parade and missed my daughter’s band recital. I couldn’t afford to send my son to school camp this year. Is a hole going to open up and swallow me because my children aren’t in a routine? My children are still in their school uniforms at 9pm dancing to party Rock Anthem in the lounge room and (I am videoing it). We had dinner at 8pm tonight because I was tired and hadn’t done the grocery shopping. My daughter is struggling at school because I don’t spend 1.5 hours a night helping her with her homework or have a tutor.I have done these things and lived the guilt. I have had mothers come to me asking advice. I have heard all the mother guilt. It has to stop.

The truth is…so what. Do not compare yourself to Mrs Got It All Together who lives at number 49 down the street. Don’t compare yourself to Mrs Just Woke Up with a Latte in my Hand Perfectly Made-Up Designer Clothed Pram-Pushing Everywhere at the Right Time Routine is What It’s All About What’s Wrong With You? from Play Group.

Embrace the mother that you are. If your kids are laughing, learning, happy, growing and have friends…you’re doing something right. Children are flexible. Children will forgive small transgressions. Love them, play with them and have fun. The rest will take care of itself. Stop feeling guilty. I did and it was wonderfully liberating.

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