Not my usual style, I know.
I am still trying to regain the joy in Christmas since my father passed away in September, 2010 and oddly, I have found this Christmas much harder to navigate emotionally than last. Perhaps now that I have more distance and perspective, it has hit me harder. I am not sure. Last Christmas seemed to go by in a blur. This Christmas I was painfully more aware of who was not amongst us. It has been almost 10 years since my Mother passed away.
I talked to my beautiful, sweet sister this morning and gained some more perspective, gained some more healing ground.
I realised that it is me who has to make new traditions for my family. I am no longer the child , I am only the mother. Now that I have no living parents, that painful truth is all the more evident.
I say to all of you right now, enjoy every moment you have with your loved ones, whether it be Christmas or other. Each day is a gift and don’t take it for granted. Find a way to appreciate the positives in all people and don’t focus on the negatives. They aren’t important. Clearly, don’t endanger yourself physically or emotionally but find a way to cut through all the drama, hurts and insecurities that can accompany family relations.
I once had a friend who constantly complained about her mother to me. Her mother would in turn call me up and complain about her daughter. I will never know if either realised I was the very same sounding board for both of them because I always respected their right to have their feelings heard and never betrayed any trust. For years that continued. What I did tell both of them at times though, was…You have each other and that is the gift. Nothing else matters, no matter how annoyed, irritated or hurt you may feel.
I don’t have the gift of being hurt, annoyed or irritated with my mother or father anymore.